Monday, May 12, 2008

Mothers day

♥Mothers day. Today my father in law gave this card to me and I wanted to share it maybe this will bless someone else's life as it did mine

The role of motherhood is a sacred one, given by our father to each woman before the foundations of the world. By being born into this world as a woman, you are part of this. Being a mom starts from your very core, it is about nurturing, loving, protecting, teaching,comforting. Mom's have the ability to see through walls hear from great distances, heal both emotional and physical wounds, be judge and jury, understand why cake rises, candles burn, the sky is blue and where babies really come from. Being a mom is more than growing a baby in your tummy though, the scientist can do that in the lab now.It is about pain vs joy. Sadness vs. happiness. Cold vs. warmth. Fear vs. understanding. It is the great example of how you can be a heavenly mother.

He went on in the card to say many more beautiful things as did many members of my family. My brother in laws girlfriend Heather sent me a beautiful text message. Sometimes I really feel like God knows just when we need reassurance the most. For me that was today.

I have really struggled this year after I miscarried. I was originally told my due date was May 5th and then later told that it would be more around the 20th of April. So I guess the last few weeks have been especially hard on me. I know that everything happens for a reason and that if it wasn't for the little one that we lost they wouldn't have detected the pre-cancer cells. I have been in an uphill battle ever since I have to have another biopsy this week and my biggest fear is not of cancer but it is that I will never have the opportunity again to be pregnant and bring a child into this world that will look like Sam and I. The thought of this is too much to bear. I know that this is part of my journey and that no matter what I will be OK. I am thankful to my father in heaven for blessing me with my step son Nathan I only wish him to know with every bit of him that I love him as if he was my own. I was raised by a step parent and I will strive every day that Nathan never feels like he doesn't belong. I am also thankful to his mom Angel we have had a rough road and even though she thanks me for being a mom to Nathan I can only thank her for letting me love him.

The last thing I was blessed with today no one may understand. We were at dinner tonight Sam Nathan Angel Jason and I, I went to the bathroom and as I walked in a woman asked me if I could do her a favor. She asked me if I could hold her baby so she could wash her hands I of course gladly helped but in those few moments I am sure that woman could not have known of how she blessed my life in allowing me to help her she in turn helped me. Maybe that is why I have the courage to write this tonight. Somehow I feel very calm and just know that everything will be taken care of.♥